Fantasy Football from The Fantasy Addicts

Fantasy Football Preview: Week 5

Last week it was all about the numbers.  This week I’m going with my gut!

1 O’Clock games

Cleveland @ Buffalo…My gut tells me shitty game to watch, but then my brain reminded me of the Browns taking the Bengals to the last minute of overtime before blowing their load last week.  Ok, this is still gonna be a shitty game.  No Braylon Edwards.  He was traded to the Jets following an incident with LeBron’s skinny wodie.  If you haven’t heard, you can read about it here.  Now let’s take a look at the fantasy players…

Derek Anderson…Don’t even think about it!  He was good in ‘07, but this is ‘09.     

Mohamed Massaquoi…He had 1 huge game and then they traded Braylon.  Makes sense to pick him up right?  Um, no.  It’s still the Browns man!

Jerome Harrison…Buffalo’s weakness is run D.  How do I know this?  They held Brees in check but still got stampeded by Pierre Thomas and then they lost to the Dolphins last week who probably ran the Wildcat the whole game…Growl! Growl!  Harrison will have some value in this game.  Use him if you don’t have a better option.

Browns D/ST…Ha!  Very funny.  Don’t be stupid.

Trent Edwards…Too inconsistent.  Hasn’t shown me enough this year to warrant a start.

TO…How’s that saying go?  The WR doesn’t fall far from the QB, or something like that.  Anyway, you can see where I’m going with this one.  Avoid Terrible Owens.

Marshawn Lynch…Beast mode will be back this week!

Fred Jackson…Beast mode jr. will be back this week!  I think Marshawn has the better game but Fred will do enough to warrant a flex start this week.

Lee Evans…see TO above.

Buffalo D/ST…When the Browns come to town, the opposing defense is almost always a good option.  Unless, of course, it’s the Bills.

Braylon Edwards 

Dallas @ Kansas City…OK team vs. bad team.  Dallas seems to be a Jekyll and Hyde team right now.  They win 1, lose 1.  They lost last week, so they should bounce back against the winless Chiefs.  

Tony Romo…He’ll have a good game against the Chiefs and you’re going to start him this week if you drafted him, but I don’t think he puts up huge numbers.  No 300 yard game for Tony.   

Marion Barber…He’s got a quad injury that limited him in the 2nd half last week and I never like players coming off an injury.  Monitor reports and if his status improves then roll with the Barbarian because there should be plenty of yards to go around against KC.

Tashard Choice…My choice for best fantasy day for a Cowboy is Tashard.

Jason Witten…Wake up son!  You’re on 1 of my fantasy teams and we could use the help.  Looks like getting rid of TO may have hurt your fantasy value.  But alas, the captain must go down with the fantasy ship, so I’m starting him this week. 

Roy Williams…Broken ribs.  Broken hands.  Stay clear of Roy.

Patrick Crayton…He could have a decent game this week but I’m going to put my faith in Witten being the ‘Boys’ leading receiver.

Dallas D/ST…This would be a good week to start them.

Minnesota @ St. Louis…BLOWOUT!  Man, Brett sure looked good Monday night.  He was throwing bee stings all over the place.  Now the Rams on the other hand…this article is about my gut feelings and watching the Rams gives me the bubble guts (see image below).

Brett Favre…I’ve got Aaron Rodgers in 1 league and since he’s on bye I picked up Favre on the waiver wire for $6 (That’s fantasy money, not real money).  How ironic is that?  In the real world of football Favre and Rodgers would never be on the same team.  But in fantasy world, they don’t have a choice.  Does that make me a fantasy god?  If my teams wins, then yes it does. 

Adrian Peterson…Do you really need me to tell you to start AD this week?

Percy Harvin…He had his 1st game without a TD on Monday night.  Not only that, but it appears Rice and Berrian have become Brett’s favorite targets.  Start him if you think he finds the end zone this week but he’s staying put on my bench.

Bernard Berrian…Finally showed some signs of life against the Pack.  I have a feeling there will be a play-action fake followed by a long throw in this game that will go for a TD to Berrian.

Sidney Rice…Picked him up on the waiver wire this week so I’m expecting big things.  Looks to me that he is the most physical presence at receiver the Vike’s have so he should be the possession guy, which means more targets.

Visanthe Shiancoe…U only start him if you think he gets a TD, because he doesn’t get a ton of looks.  I say he won’t this week.

Steven Jackson…This is the only guy you should even consider starting for the Rams, but not this week.  

Rush Limbaugh…Is the league really gonna let this racist bastard become part owner of a team?  Well, it’s the Rams, so it would kinda be like not having a real NFL team, more like a semi-pro team.

Vikings D/ST…San Fran’s defense scored 3 TD’s against the Rush Limbaugh’s last week. 

Dropping your kids off at the pool is a good way to relieve bubble guts.

Oakland @ NY Giants…Another blowout.  Even if Eli can’t go, the G-men should still win easily, they just won’t score as many points.  Oakland is just plain bad and their head coach will probably be charged with felony assault soon. 

Raiders…Starting anyone from this team would be a mistake.

Eli Manning…He sat out practice Wednesday, but his teammates are confident he will play Sunday.  If he plays, then he should have a good game against this sorry defense.

Brandon Jacobs…Start him.

Ahmad Bradshaw…Only if you’re really desperate because he just doesn’t get enough touches.

Steve Smith…Start this fool!  And I mean that in a good way.  Eli was locked in on his #1 target last week.  Did you know he leads the league in receiving so far this year?

Mario Manningham/Hakeem Nicks/Domenik Hixon…Not so sure about these guys.  I’m sitting Manningham this week after starting him last week and watching every pass thrown his way get bobbled.  And again, Eli loves Steve Smith. 

Giants D/ST…Beast mode!  I think the Mortal Kombat guy is going to come out after this game and say, “Flawless Victory”.

Mario Manningham needs his own bobble-hands doll.

Tampa Bay @ Philadelphia…Very bad team vs. good team.  Good way to start your comeback tour if you’re McNabb.

Josh Johnson…I would start Edelman over him at QB.  Edelman is a WR/QB for the Patriots.

Carnell ‘Cadillac’ Williams…Cadillac could have a decent game if Derrick Ward is still out.  Too many question marks for me though.  He’s staying put on my bench.

Derrick Ward…He returned to practice Wednesday but I don’t think he does much even if he does see action Sunday.

Antonio Bryant…Gut tells me no.  Bad offense and he’s facing a good corner this week.

Kellen Winslow…Only if you’re desperate.

Donovan McNabb…I have him.  Let’s hope he can live up to the expectations Kolb has set for him.  Wait, shouldn’t that be the other way around?  Anyway, I like Dono to have a big game Sunday.

Brian Westbrook…He’ back too.  The early season injury has B-West looking like a potential bust.  That remains to be seen, but I like him this week. 

DeSean Jackson…He’s stupid-fast so start him.

Brent ‘Magnum TE’ Celek…He was Kolb’s favorite target, but Kolb’s not playing.  I like him anyway this week.

Eagles D/ST…I tried to pick them up but was outbid by my roommate.  Thx a lot buddy! 

Pittsburgh @ Detroit…Pitt has been up and down this year.  Expect them to be up against the Lions.  Detroit finally ended the streak 2 weeks ago and now they are working on a new one.

Big Ben…Has been a much better fantasy QB than I expected this year.  Will have a big game in the dome.

Rashard Mendenhall…The most popular guy on the waiver wire this week-I’m sure-after a huge game against the Chargers.  If you picked him up then you’re going to start him against the Lions.

Willie Parker…Still has camel turf toe so he’ll stay on my bench this week.

San-Antonio Holmes…It’s the Lions, if you don’t start him this week, then when will you?

Hines Ward…Another strong game last week.  He’s Big Ben’s possession guy.  Expect another good outing from the man with no ACL.

Heath Miller…If you don’t have a better option, then give ’em a shot.  I’ve got T-Gonz in 2 leagues and Witten in 1 so I’m sticking with my big guns.

Willie Parker should have been wearing a camel toe cup, according to Camel Toe Annie.

Matthew Stafford…Unlikely to play Sunday.

Dante Culpepper…Ha!

Kevin Smith…I think LT had like 15 yards last week against Pitt.  Sit Kevi Smith.

Calvin Johnson…Culpepps used to sling ‘em deep to Moss.  I can see Calvin Mossin’ 1 or 2 in this one.  Urban dictionary definition of Mossin…When a group of people are playing football and one person makes a great catch over a defender, in a Randy Moss like fashion.  It can also mean to chill or smoke weed and we all know Randy likes to do both.

Steelers D/ST…They’re facing Culpepps.

Washington @ Carolina…I hate Jim Zorn!  I blame him for Portis not having a great start after I drafted him in 2 leagues because of Zorn’s conservative play-calling.  The Panthers haven’t lived up to expectations either so far this year.  Dammit!  I drafted DeAngelo Williams too.

Jason Campbell…He did me no favors when I picked him up last week because Philly and Kevin Kolb were on bye.  Kerry Collins outperformed him.  Need I say more?

Clinton Portis…I’ve started him the 1st 4 weeks and right now my teams are 3-1, 2-2 and 6th ( out of 8 teams ) in a cumulative points league.  I’m not doing great, but I’m not doing terrible either.  Keep the Porti-John train rollin this week.

Santana Moss…He started for me last week when Anquan Boldin was on bye and did admirably.  Luckily for me, Boldin is back.  I say sit Moss.

Chris Cooley…One thing the ‘Skins have been good at is getting Chris Cooley the ball.  Start ‘em.

Jake Delhomme…John Fox should have gone after Vick.  At this point, Vick seems more valuable than Delhomme in fantasy world because Jake could get you negative points on any given Sunday.

DeAngelo Williams…Let’s see that wildcat John Fox!  Growl!  Growl!  Cadillac had a solid game last week against the ‘Skins, so DeAngelo should do even better right?

Jonathan Stewart…The daily show will not get good ratings this week.

Steve Smith…For some odd reason, John Fox has called more passes than runs so far this year.  I’m guessing it’s because he’s a bad coach.  Anyway, Steve Smith will have a good game in this one.

Cincinnati @ Baltimore…Two 3-1 teams facing off.  Never would have expected that from ‘Natti before the season.  Palmer is winning clutch games and Flacco has been an early season MVP candidate.

Carson Palmer…You can pass on the Ravens.  Carson should have a solid game but I don’t see him putting up 300 yards.

Cedric Benson…You can’t run on the Ravens.  Sit Ced B.

Chad Ocho Cinco…Chad always gets up for big games so I would start him this week.

Joe Flacco…or ’Skinny Joe’ in spanish.  The Bengals have been giving up rushing yards lately and I think the Ravens will take advantage of that.  Flacco will manage the game well enough to win but he won’t have 300 yards either.  He could have a couple of TD tosses though.  Start skinny Joe.

Willis McGahee…Ray Rice will get them close and McGahee will vulture his TD’s.

Ray Rice…By getting them close I mean Ray Rice will account for most of the rushing yards.  Start him.

Derrick Mason…Flacco’s favorite target…Derrick Ocho Cinco.  Start him.

Todd Heap…Only start him if you don’t have a better option this week. 

If Flacco was a rapper, he would go by ‘Skinny Joe’.

4 O’Clock games 

Atlanta @ San Francisco…This is a good chance for ATL to prove it belongs among the upper echelon of NFL teams.  The 49ers have an outstanding defense so this one will be interesting.

Matt Ryan…I know you can’t run on the 49ers so Ryan will be forced to throw in this one.  I think he has a good game.  Don’t expect 300 yards but Ryan should throw atleast 2 td’s.

Michael Turner…’Burner’ Turner, meet Patrick Willis.  Fantasy owners, sit Turner.

Roddy White…This would be a good game to start Roddy.  He has a tough matchup with Nate Clements but I think he can find the end zone and maybe a deep ball from Ryan as well.

Tony Gonzalez…Patrick Willis can’t shutdown Turner and cover T-Gonz, can he?  I think SS Michael Lewis will draw most of the cover duties on T-Gonz so start him with confidence this week. 

Shaun Hill…He’s quietly having a very efficient year.  He’s not turning the ball over and the 49ers are 3-1.  But he’s also no fantasy stud so I wouldn’t recommend starting him.

Glen Coffee…Fred Taylor had 105 yards against ATL in their last game.  For that reason, I like Coffee in this one.  I’m starting him in my flex spot this week.

Vernon Davis…He’s finally living up to all the hype.  Start ‘em.  Plus, the 49ers don’t have a proven threat at WR.

Michael Crabtree…He hasn’t proven himself yet.  Proceed with caution.

Jacksonville @ Seattle…Jack ‘Of The River’ (Del Rio means ‘of the river’ in spanish) got his team back to .500 ball with a win last week.  The only team Seattle has beat this year is St. Louis.   

David Garrard…I almost picked him up last week to replace Aaron Rodgers.  I put $4 on him and $6 on Brett.  I ended up with Brett but I might be kickin myself and short 2 bucks if he has a better game this week.  Anyway, start ‘em.

Maurice Jones-Drew…I said sit MoJo last week and he finished with 14 rushing yards.  I’m not gonna say that again this week.  He might have 214 against the Seahawks.

Mike Sims-Walker…I said start Mike last week and he had a huge game with 2 bee stings (td’s).  I like Garrard this week and this is his #1 target.  Start ‘em.

Matt Hasselbeck…Hasselbeck is practicing again and is expected to play Sunday.  My recommendation would be to start ‘em because Kerry Collins put up 20 fantasy points against that Jags D last week.

Julius Jones…The Jags have been solid against the run so I don’t like Julius this week.

TJ Houshmandzadeh…Had his 1st 100-yard game last week but that was with Seneca at QB.  Sit TJ this week.

Nate Burleson…His only TD of the season came week 1 when Matt was at QB.  If you need a flex and don’t have a better option, go with Nasty Nate this week.  Note:  If Burleson is Nasty Nate, does that make TJ the Squirrel Master?

John Carlson…His production has dropped since Hasselbeck got hurt.  Matt’s return should mean a good game for Carlson.

Looks like Jack is not the only famous person ‘of the river’.

Houston @ Arizona…I thought the 4th of July already passed?  Somebody better call the cops, because there will be plenty of fireworks in this one!

Matt Shaub…The Cards run D has been solid.  Shaub will be forced to pass and he will put up numbers.  If Matt Shaub was a rapper, his freestyle would go like this, “You ain’t gotta wonder on how I’m working wonders, cuz b**** I do numbers.”

Steve Slaton…See Matt Shaub above.  Sit Slaton.

Andre the Johnson…He’s going to try to prove that he’s the best receiver in the league; not Fitz.  Start ‘em.

Owen Daniels…Quietly a very productive player.  Start ‘em.

Kevin Walter/Jacoby Jones…If this is a fireworks show, then these guys would be sparklers.  Sit ‘em.

Kurt Warner…Old QB’s have been on fire this year (Favre, Manning).  That trend will continue Sunday and Kurt will have a big game.

Tim Hightower…Houston’s D is bad, but the Cards are a passing team.  I think Hightower has a solid game this week.  I don’t see 100 yards but he could have 80 and a td.

Beanie Wells…What has he done to warrant a start?

Larry Fitzgerald…How can you doubt Jaguar Paw?  Is it just me, or does Fitz look like the guy from Apocalypto?

I don’t think anybody ever called Fitz ‘almost’.  Maybe the Steelers last year after the Super Bowl.

Anquan Boldin…I have Fitz and Boldin together on the same team!  I’m starting both of ‘em this week and if you have either, you should do the same.

Steve Breaston…Sparkler.  Sit ‘em. 

Kevin Walter, Jacoby Jones and Steve Breaston.

New England @ Denver…Who would have thought that the Broncos would have a better record than the Patriots after 4 weeks?

Tom Brady…When is Tom going to have a breakout game?  Not this week.  The Broncos D is solid.  If you don’t believe me, ask Tony Romo.  That’s not to say Brady won’t have any TD passes, just not 300 yards. 

Fred Taylor…Taylor needs surgery.  So who will step up and be the guy in the Pats backfield?  Not ‘My Little Maroney’.  He has the most carries of any of their backs, but he’s not good, plain and simple.  Kevin Faulk is the 3rd down guy.  That leaves BenJarvis and Sammy Morris.  My gut tells me Sammy will see the most production over the long term but I don’t like any of these guys against the Broncos.  Note:  The Pats should name their backfield after the restaurant chain…Five Guys.  Or Four Guys and a Pony.  

Randy Moss…Randy makes me dandy.  What more do you need to know?

Wes Welker…The slot machine has been losing Brady a lot of money lately; figuratively speaking of course because we all know Brady is paid.  What I mean by that is he hasn’t been playing and when he did return last week he was ineffective.  Add that to the fact that he was limited in practice Thursday and I say no jackpot Sunday.  Sit Welker.   

Kyle Orton…No INT’s so far this year and last week he actually had a decent fantasy game.  Although, that catch-and-run by Marshall to beat the Cowboys was 5% Orton and 95% Marshall.  Belichick has a way of confusing QB’s, but Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels is from the school of Belichick and he will be definitely be looking to kill Bill.  What does all that mean?  It means don’t start Orton because you don’t know what to expect. 

Knowshon Moreno…I know ‘Shon is starting on 2 of my fantasy teams this week.  Correll Buckhalter-top is unlikely to play Sunday so I think Moreno could have a pretty good day.  The Broncos are quietly one of the better rushing teams in the league this year. 

Brandon Marshall…I like Marshall this week.  Mason had a nice fantasy day last week against the Pats, so why can’t Marshall?

From left to right:  Denver, Dallas, Oakland, Cleveland and Cincinnati.  The last 4 are the teams the Broncos have killed so far on their way to Bill (Belichick). 

Sunday night game

Indianapolis @ Tennessee…Peyton Manning has never looked better.  His team is currently riding a 13-game regular season winning streak.  The Titans-if you count the playoff loss to B-more last year-are currently on a 6-game losing streak.  The loss of Jim Schwartz as defensive coordinator has really hurt the Titans this year.

Peyton Manning…David Garrard was in beast mode last week against the Titans.  I guess that means Peyton Manning will be in Wolverine/Professor-X mode Sunday night.

Joseph Addai…10-a-key can’t stop the pass.  They’re pretty solid against the run, so live and let Addai.  Sit Joseph.

Reggie Wayne…If you got ‘em, you’re starting him this week.  You don’t need me to tell you that.

Dallas Clark…See Reggie Wayne above.

Pierre Garcon…I refuse to start a french waiter, but he might have flex value this week.  Start ‘em if you don’t have a better option.

Professor-X…His head even kinda looks like Peyton’s a little bit.

Kerry Collins…Head coach Jeff Fisher is sticking with Collins.  I guess the captain must go down with his ship.  Or maybe the captain knows that his other option-Vince Young-is a canoe with giant holes in it.  Anyway, sit Kerry.

Chris Johnson…He looks like 1 of the guys from Milli Vanilli, but plays more like the real McCoy.  Start ‘em. 

 

Nate Washington…He’s everybody’s flavor of the week after catching a TD pass in each of the last 3 games.  Of all my favorite flavors, ’shitty Titan’ is not 1 of them, so sit ‘em.

Monday Night Football

NY Jets @ Miami…Defense vs. Wildcat.  Growl!  Growl!  Miami will run their wildcat offense and the Jets D will make it look more like the house cat.  Meow.

Mark Sanchez…Had his 1st bad game last week.  I say he has a short memory, but I still wouldn’t start him on any of my fantasy teams.

Thomas Jones…Miami is solid against the run.  Sit TJ.

Leon Washington…He’s got beef with Channing Crowder, the same man who didn’t know that people speak English in London.  I say don’t worry about the beef.  Crowder probably won’t be able to remember Leon’s jersey number.  I’m starting him this week in a league that rewards for return yards but I’m not so sure I would in a standard league.  Start him in your flex spot if you don’t have a better option this week.   

Jerricho Cotchery…He has an injury but if he plays start ‘em.  His least productive game of the season was last week when he had 5 catches for 71 yards.

Dustin Keller…Hasn’t been a big part of the offense the last 2 games which means he should not be part of your fantasy team this week.

Braylon Edwards…A real baboon’s ass to be sure (see image below).  I think the Jets will use their new toy as a decoy, a la Mike Vick.  Sit Braylon.

Maybe Braylon should apologize to LeBron by saying those 3 magical words. 

Note:  For the Dolphins this week I’m using txt lingo…

Chad Henne…LOL!

Ronnie Brown…BYTM (Better you than me)

Ricky Williams…420 (Lets get high)

Ted Ginn Jr…LTNS (Long time no see)

Sit all Dolphins!

Jets D/ST…GGMSOT (Gotta get me some of that)

Survivor Pick…Cowboys over Chiefs.  If you’ve already used the ‘Boys then go with Vikings over Rams or Giants over Raiders.

Gut upset prediction…Jaguars over Seahawks.