Fantasy Football from The Fantasy Addicts

Fantasy Football Preview: Week 8

It’s Halloween and everybody’s talking about the new scary movies; Paranormal Activity and the new Saw movie (I think it’s Saw 26…there’s been so many I can’t keep count).  But I want to talk about a different movie in regard to this week’s fantasy matchups; The Men Who Stare At Goats.  Here’s the trailer…

The movie (due out Nov. 6) looks a bit odd and potentially funny.  You never know with previews because – of course – they never show the bad parts.  But my point in showing you the clip is so you too can understand the importance of becoming a psychic soldier when it comes to fantasy football warfare.  I have spent years – and countless hours on Yahoo! – developing my skills.  I am now officially a Jedi warrior.  In the world of fantasy football, I’m a psychic weapon; able to make my players run through walls (see here) and I can see into the future.  Here is an excerpt from my FF preview for week 2…

no Stradamus upset prediction…I predict my Chicago Bears will defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers this week.  Now stop laughing and go put some money on it.  And when they win, don’t forget to break me off a lil’ sumpin’ sumpin’.  C’mon, really, it’s not that funny.

(Note:  That week I was calling myself no Stradamus.  Here’s a link to the full article; and other than me calling Cedric Benson ‘quicksand legs’, it was on point.)

But I digress.  As I was saying, I am a member of the most elite group of soldiers:  The Men Who Stare At Fantasy Teams.  And these are my predictions for week 8…

BIG GAME MEASURING STICK:

QBs…300+ yds and/or 3+ tds

RBs…100+ total yds and/or 2+ tds

WRs…100+ yds and/or 2+ tds

TEs…100+ yds and/or 1+ tds

The following are players are like to have big games this weekend…

1 o’clock games

HOU @ BUF…The Bills’ D is good against the pass and terrible against the run.  The Bills’ offense is, well, offensive.  The Texans have a good offense and not so good D.  Houston wins this one by running the ball and play-action passing (mixed in with some timely screen passes).

Andre Johnson, Steve Slaton, Owen Daniels

Marshawn Lynch

CLE @ CHI…What’s a good recipe for boucing back after getting your ass handed to you last week?  Answer:  The Browns coming to town this week.  Chicago will bounce back behind a strong game from Forte.

Matt Forte, Devin Hester, Greg Olsen

SEA @ DAL…Romo dumped Jessica Simpson and Jason Witten for Miles Austin, and his new relationship has been good for the team.  Expect more brokeback mountain in this one.

TJ Houshmandzadeh

Tony Romo & Miles Austin (lol), Marion Barber

STL @ DET…This is the Rams’ last chance to win a game in 2009!  Look at their remaining schedule.  The Lions didn’t win a game last year, but the Rams can take it to a whole ‘notha level of shittyness when you consider the losing streak they’re currently on.  And they will.  Detroit wins.

Steven Jackson

Kevin Smith

DEN @ BAL…Can Denver remain undefeated going on the road against a good B-more team?  If their defense continues to play well, then yes.  And they will Sunday against the Ravens.

Brandon Marshall, Knowshon Moreno

Joe Flacco, Ray Rice

SF @ IND…All the attention is on Alex Smith taking over as the 49ers QB, which is exactly where Peyton likes it.  The Colts will blast the ‘9ers to remain undefeated.

Frank Gore, Vernon Davis

Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Austin Collie, Dallas Clark

MIA @ NYJ…It’s Halloween, so the Dolphins are showing up to tomorrow’s game in their Catfish costumes!  This should scare the shit outta the Jets, who gave up 31 points to the ‘Fins on Monday Night Football three weeks ago.  Fear not Jets.  I have found the ultimate costume for you to combat the Catfish.  Presenting:  the Dogbird! The Jets will get past their fears and win this game.

Ronnie Brown

Thomas Jones

NYG @ PHI…McNabb hasn’t looked great since coming back from being injured.  In fact, I’m starting Garrard over him this week.  The Giants have lost two straight but can stay at the top of the NFC East with a big division win Sunday.  The G-men win with a strong game from Eli Manning.

Eli Manning, Steve Smith, Mario Manningham, Ahmad Bradshaw

Brian Westbrook (If he plays…gametime decision), DeSean Jackson

4 o’clock games

JAC @ TEN…Vince Young finally gets his chance to start again and he’ll make some big plays Sunday.  He’ll also make some big mistakes and the Titans will remain winless.

Chris Johnson, Bo Scaife

David Garrard, Mike Sims-Walker

OAK @ SD…This is a blowout on paper, but you never know how focused the Chargers will be.  With that being said, the Raiders are just damn awful and they will lose this game.

Justin Fargas

Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates, Darren Sproles, Vincent Jackson

CAR @ ARI…The Cardinals are #1 against the run and – at the same time – dead last in rushing offense.  They will contain the Panthers rush attack and force Delhomme to pass, which will lead to turnovers.  And on the other side of the ball, expect ‘Zona’s passing game to put up good numbers.  Cards’ win.

DeAngelo Williams

Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin

MIN @ GB…He’s baaaaaaaack!  Favre in Lambeau again; only this time in purple.  There’s going to be plenty of emotion and this game will have a playoff-like atmosphere.  The emotion of the home crowd will help the Packers, early in the game.  But after everyone settles in and the initial hysteria of the moment wears off, the Vikings will take over.  They have been more battle tested this year and the Packers are coming off of wins over cupcakes in their last two games.

Brett Favre, Adrian Peterson, Sidney Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe

Aaron Rodgers, Greg Jennings, Donald Driver

Note: Winfield out

Monday Night Football

ATL @ NO…The Saints look pretty damn good.  They’ve won games with their passing.  They’ve won games with their running.  And when neither was working, they even won a game with their defense.  The Falcons will have their hands full Monday night.  The Saints will score early and often, which will force ATL to try to keep pace.  N’Orleans prevails in a high scoring game.

Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, Tony Gonzalez, Roddy White

Drew Brees, Marques Colston, Jeremy Shockey, Mike Bell, Devery Henderson

Upset Predictions…

DEN over BAL

MIN over GB

JAC over TEN

Note: I stared at one fantasy team so long this week that I picked up Mike Hart.  Who?  My point exactly.  You’d never think to add this guy to your fantasy team.  But don’t feel bad.  Being able to make moves like that comes from years of training.  I’m a psychic soldier; a Jedi warrior, son!  And with years of experience and the proper training – plus enough trophies in your Yahoo! fantasy profile trophy case – you too may one day be part of the most elite group of soldiers:  The Men Who Stare At Fantasy Teams.

Double Note: I was forced to pick up Mike Hart due to a season ending injury to Leon Washington.  It’s a 16-team league with several bench spots, so there ain’t shit available on the waiver wire.  It was Hart or Michael Robinson.  In retrospect, it may be a good idea to try out for another group of elite soldiers:  The Men Who Draft Extra Running Backs Just In Case Your Dude Breaks His F*cking Leg!